Maybe I Love You
by inthelittledoctor
Summary: I love you. A promise. [Clara mourns Danny for five minutes and The Doctor's there to comfort her.] {Whouffaldi}
1. I love you

I love you. Words that can make hearts flutter and lips curve upwards. Words that can make someone feel like something when they feel like nothing. Words that can change someone's world. I love you. A phrase often said to remind, not to inform. A phrase muttered at morning, moaned at night. A phrase said before saying goodbye. A phrase that can be said without words. A phrase that can ask a million questions at once. A phrase said between those that share something they share with no one else. A promise.

I love you. A phrase Clara Oswald promised to a dead man.

And so here she sits, on a chair next to the console, staring at the man that makes her regret her promise. The Doctor. She shouldn't regret her promise she knows, but something about the way he makes her heart race and her mind wander makes her want to think otherwise. Something about the way his eyes look when he looks at her. Something about the way he holds her hand when they're in danger. Something about that way her cares for her. Something about him makes her want to break the promise. But, Danny would know. Danny would always know.

Five minutes. Five minutes to mourn over the one who now haunts her thoughts. Five minutes to lock herself in her room, crying and cursing herself for ever falling in love. Five minutes to remember the only man that would ever return her feelings of love. Five minutes to regret making the promise.

Maybe she should've been more careful. Maybe she should've locked her door and cried into a pillow instead of screaming towards the ceiling. Maybe she shouldn't have taken up his offer to stay aboard the TARDIS full time.

Screaming. The first thing he heard, and then he was running towards her room, his mind racing, only thinking the worse. Maybe he should've knocked before opening the door. Maybe he shouldn't of just burst in. But at the time, he was to concerned about her to care about her privacy. And then he sees it. Her curled up on her bed, arms wrapped around herself, tears rolling down her cheeks. He's taking one big stride towards her bed and swooping down onto it, concern evident in his features.

She's too busy crying to notice him entering her room, too busy to notice his weight pushing down on the side of the bed. Too busy to notice him saying her name.

And then he's putting his hand on hers and she's screaming, looking up and seeing him, very quickly wrapping her arms around her neck and clinging to him. And she's holding onto him like he's the only thing keeping her same. Because he is. As crazy as it sounds, he's her lifeline. And as much as she hates to admit it, she truly does love him for keeping her sane. If she's being honest, she just generally loves him, but if she didn't, then she wouldn't be sitting her, crying as hard as she is, hating herself for making a promise to a man that's no longer alive.

And then he's looking down at her, his eyes wide. She's curling up into him, her forehead on his arm. And he's wrapping his arms around her, holding her right. She's as fragile as glass. Drop her and she's done for. So he's holding her tight, feeling her tears on his sleeve. Then he's asking the words that she didn't want to hear.

What's wrong?

And then she's groaning softly into his arm and moving her mouth up to his shoulder, biting into his sleeve to stop her from sobbing.

Fragile things are to be handled gently. Fragile things are not meant to be throw around when they're about to break. But what had he been doing to her? He'd been throwing her about, taking her all over the universe and showing her the dangers and the beauties of it. He's been breaking a broken thing.

So now he's hugging her, holding onto her for everything she's worth. He's feeling her breath on his shoulder and feeling every little movement of her fingers on him. He's keeping her close, making sure she doesn't break any further. And then he's doing possibly the stupidest thing he's ever done. He's cupping Clara Oswald's cheeks and moving her away from his shoulder, looking into her eyes.

Her brown eyes. Red from crying. Shining with tears. Wide. Her eyes were always wide, he could never quite figure out why. And then he's seeing her look back into his eyes and he feels her frail fingers wrap around his wrists. And then her eyes are searching his for a moment, as if looking for an answer to an unasked question.

Questions lead to answers. Questions lead to bad decisions. Questions lead to life changing words. Questions change everything. Answers change even more. Answers change absolutely everything.

And then she's squeezing her eyes shut, swooping forward and making it so her lips are just barely grazing his. And he's standing still, holding his breath. Maybe she shouldn't have moved forward, she's thinking. Maybe she should've stayed in his arms and not gotten any closer. Maybe she shouldn't have moved her face any closer to his. Maybe she shouldn't have fallen in love.

But before she can move away, his hand's moving to her neck and his lips are moving on hers, his fingers curling on the back of her neck. And that's when she knows it's over. She's fallen too deep. She can't get out. She's stuck.

And her lips are moving on his without her even knowing. Her eyes are closed, her hands gripping his arms. Then she's pulling away, laughing sadly. And he's looking at her, looking quite similar to a disgruntled owl. She's opening her eyes and looking at him, a promise at the tip of her tongue. A promise she doesn't want to break. But part of her knows that maybe she should. Maybe he feels the same way. But no. She promised another man those words.

But a part of her always knew she would break that promise. A promise with no intention of being kept.

Promises, she supposes, were meant to be broken. But she would not be the one to say it first. So she's looking up at him, her eyes wide. And he's looking down at her, his eyes filled with something he's promised no one. Because how can a Time Lord promise love to anyone if the ones he loves he always outlives?

And then they're stuck, looking at each other. Each completely oblivious to the words that are on the tip of the others tongue. Maybe they're better off oblivious, because if they knew, it would be Hell for the both of them.

Her breaking her promise, knowing one day she could lose him. Him, knowing that no matter what he did, he would outlive her. So why say the three words they both wanted to say?

Because the other needed to know.

So he goes to open his mouth, unfinished words coming out mixed with heavy breathes.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Just say it. What's the harm in saying those three words? They're just words. But they're not. They're words but they're so much more. They're a promise. A lifeline. Something to hold onto. Something that can change everything.

He's thinking maybe if he doesn't say it now, he'll never get a chance to again. But instead of saying what he wants, he asks a simple question.

'Why were you crying?'

And then she's closing her eyes and leaning forward into him, whispering,'Five minutes.'

And then he's making a quite noise of realisation and breathing out quietly,'P.E.'

Then she's burying her face into his shirt and mumbling,'His name was Danny.'

He's putting a hand on her back and sighing,'I know.'

And then she's crying again and hugging him. He's looking down at her, moving his hands to her waist. And then he's whispering her name softly and she's looking up at him. He's telling her to lay down on the bed, and she's nodding slowly, doing what she was told. And then he's laying in front of her, looking into her eyes and smiling slightly.

'It's been five minutes,' he's whispering, his breath on her lips.

And then she's smiling slightly, sniffing,'I suppose it has.'

Then they're both looking at each other with gentle eyes, no words being shared between them. Just silence. Just sharing a few intimate seconds, not talking, just looking. Just being close to each other. Just being completely in love with each other. And then he's breathing out the three words that she's terrified of.

'I love you.'

Then she's closing her eyes, her body shaking from sobbing. And his eyes are widening, his hand going to her cheek, worried that he shouldn't have said what he said. But then she's burying her face in his chest.

'I wish,' she's sobbing into his chest,' That I could say the same back to you. But I made a promise to someone. A very stupid promise. And I can't. I can't say the words that I've wanted to say to you. I can't say the words that you want me to say back. I can't say anything. Because of one stupid promise I made to a man that's long gone. And I'm sorr-'

He's placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head and she's stopping, shifting her head slightly so she can glance up at him.

'It's fine,' he's whispering.

And then he's wrapping both of his arms around her, nuzzling into her hair. She's choking out a sob, holding onto him, squeezing her eyes shut. Then she's taking a deep breath in. And then out.

I love you. A promise. A promise that can break promises. A promise that sometimes must be said. A promise that sometimes, is better left secret. A promise that can be said without saying anything. So she's looking up at him one last time. And pressing her lips to his.


	2. Broken Promises

So they'd kissed. Was it really that big of a deal? She'd tried to convince herself it wasn't, but every time the thought of kissing him wandered into her mind, she would become mesmerised by the way his lips had felt against hers and the way that he smelled of the universe and something sweet up close. She'd tell herself that maybe these are just things she noticed, not things she actually liked. Then she'd completely vetoed that idea because she loved the way he smelled and the way his lips felt as they moved against hers. Just more things to add to the list of things that she loved about him.

Why promise words to a dead man? Why promise those specific words while knowing that there's someone that you've been meaning to say them to? I love you. It may be a promise, but a promise doesn't have to be stuck with one person. She's come to terms with Danny's death. She's accepted it. She's moved on. But the promise still remains. She hasn't broken it and in all honesty, she hasn't the slightest clue in how she hasn't.

She's in love with another man. Another man that's stolen her heart and given her his in return, letting her know that he is hers if she so wishing to accept his hearts. He's showed her the universe and while doing so, he makes sure that above everything else, she is safe. A man who'd stared death in the face just to make sure she would live. He cared about her. He loved her. And how did she repay him? By telling him she couldn't tell him she loved him back just because of a promise she made to a man he hated.

She's told herself to break the promise. So many times she's opened her mouth to say those words that have haunted her, only to have guilt set in, causing her to close her mouth and say nothing instead. Stay silent, she'd often told herself after the stupid mistake she constantly almost made. You may love him, but what about the promise?

And then she'd realised something that she hadn't realised before. She'd made a promise surrounding a promise. She'd promised Danny that she'd never tell anyone the promise that she had promised him so many times.

Why is 'I love you' such a strong phrase? Why can it tear down empires and create new planets? Why can it cause others to risk their lives just to save one person? How can such a simple phrase have such a huge impact?

Maybe it's because this phrase means that you care for someone beyond belief and you would do anything for them. Maybe it's because it's simply just the biggest promise you can make to someone.

She's tried time and time again to tell him she loved him, to just say those three simple words and finally be done with her promise to Danny. Finally be done with the pressure of letting him know. Every attempt she'd made to tell him had failed horribly, to her dismay.

He'd tell her he loved her on occasion, never expecting to hear anything back from her accept for maybe the rare appreciative hum. He'd tell her while they were lounging in the console room. He'd whisper it into her hair as she lay curled up in his lap, lost in a book. He'd mumble it into her neck right before she fell asleep at night, making sure she fell asleep with the knowing that she was loved.

Sometimes she'd leave the TARDIS, go back to her normal boring human life of teaching and marking and he'd wait for her, thinking of all the times it would be appropriate to do certain things like hold her hand or tell her he loved her. He knew she was struggling to say it back. But he'd seen her try. He'd watched her go to leave and then turn around and open her mouth, only to close it again and furrow her brow, leaving with a mumble of a goodbye.

He'd really not thought it was that serious of a matter, whether or not she said 'I love you', because he already knew that she did. Which is why when she stomped into the TARDIS much later than expected and told him they'd needed to have a serious talk, he'd been relatively confused.

Maybe she wanted to talk about getting a cat, he'd thought. Maybe she read about a planet and wanted to see if it was real or not. Maybe she wanted him to stop saying 'I love you.' (A thing that he would never do, mind you, he may stop saying it aloud if she so wishes, but he will never stop saying it in his head every time he looks at her.)

And then she's pulling him out of the TARDIS and into her bedroom, telling him to sit down on her bed and not to worry. So he's sitting down on her bed and trying his best not to worry, feeling the mattress sink down next to him only to look over and see none other than Clara Oswald sitting next to him. He's honestly not quite sure who else he was expecting to be next to him, her mere presence honestly just surprises him sometimes.

And then she's intertwining her fingers with his and looking at him, opening her mouth to have a sound that sounds somewhere between an 'I' and potentially the cutest squeak that he has ever heard in his 2,000 year long life.

Then her mouth is closing and she's scrunching her nose, looking at him for a moment before looking down at their hands and unscrunching her nose, letting out a sigh. And then she's gathering all of the courage she has and throwing her promise to Danny out the window.

'I love you, you know?' She's whispering.

And then a grin is spreading across his face and he's squeezing her hand,'I am well aware of that, Clara Oswald.'

And then she's looking back at his face and a slight smile is gracing her lips.

All the times she'd feared breaking that promise. All the nights she'd cried over Danny and the promise she made him. All of the nights she worried that the man in front of her didn't know how she felt about him. All of these things suddenly meant nothing to her. All of these things just died down to a moment of courage and a promise escaping her lips.

And now his lips are on hers and his hand is on her cheek, kissing her gently. She's kissing him back and then he's stopping, resting his forehead on hers.

'I love you too, as you already know,' he's whispering, his breath warm on her lips.

And then she's giggling and her hands are finding his lapels, gripping them gently. Then she's taking her forehead of of his and looking into his eyes, saying the only thing she can think to say.

'I broke the promise.'

Then he's laughing gently and nodding slightly, not needing to say anything because she already knows what he's thinking. He's proud of her. To promise something so big to someone is completely ridiculous. She's done her mourning and quite honestly, it was far past time for her to move on.

'I love you,' she's saying again.

And then she's laughing and saying it again and again, lightly hitting his chest each time she says it. He's smiling down at her, feeling his hearts race in his chest. Then he's wrapping his fingers around her wrists and she's stopping, looking up at him with wide eyes and rose tinted cheeks.

'I love you too, Clara Oswald,' he's saying, amusement evident in his voice.

Then she's smiling and pressing her lips to his, running her hands up his chest and onto his neck.

And as she kissed him, it made her think. Was breaking that promise really so terrible? Danny would've wanted her to move on, wouldn't he? The Doctor sure as hell has convinced her that she needed to move on, but she wasn't quite sure what Danny would think. Maybe he hadn't actually wanted her to, although that would be extremely selfish and very not like Danny. And before she can form any other coherent thoughts, he's biting her lip and tangling his fingers in her hair, eliciting a quiet groan from her.

Move on, her mind is telling her, stop thinking about Danny. He's dead. Danny Pink is dead. A phrase that used to cause her to break down but now only sent barely a shiver of sadness through her. It was long past time to just move on. So she's doing so, pushing him down on the bed and straddling him, placing kisses on his neck that start gentle, but progress into something much harder. She's leaving marks on him to prove to the universe that she has moved on. She's found someone she loves more than anything in the universe, and she's not letting that go. She's going to tell him if she wants to and she's going to show him if she so pleases to.

She loves him. And nothing is going to stop her from feeling that way. And then she's hearing a groan beneath her and she's feeling his his buck slightly under her.

She loves him. Apparently enough to break a promise she's made to a past lover. So why the hell not? She's taking off his jacket and directing her sight to the bottom of his jumper. She's moving her hands there quickly and quickly pulling off his jumper, only running into a few minor difficulties on the way. And then he's laying there under here, shirtless with his hair a mess.

'I love you,' she's saying, pausing her movements and looking him in the eye.

He's looking up into her eyes and there's something bright in his eyes all of the sudden. He's slowing his breath to the best of his abilities and telling her that he loves her too.

And then she's taking her shirt off and he's pretty sure that Clara Oswald will never not be enticing to him. He's about as sure about this as he is as sure about the fact that grass on Earth is green or the sky is blue.

Several items of clothing later and they were making love, whispering sweet nothings and curses under their breath. She's feeling more in love than she's ever felt in her whole life, causing her to feel quite ecstatic and honestly quite overwhelmed. And then everything becomes a little bit too much when his lips are on hers and he's telling her he loves her. And apparently this was also a bit too much for him because he's biting down into her shoulder and whimpering.

This is what she wanted. She wanted to show him that she loved him. And instead of feeling empty on the inside like she'd expected, she felt complete. She didn't feel badly for breaking her promise, she felt relieved. It was gone. A thing of the past she no longer had to worry or cry about.

Danny would've been proud to hear that she moved on, or at least she imagined.

She shouldn't have to be scared of three words just because of him. He was gone. Now it was just her and the man in her arms, whose eyes were trained in her. Eyes filled with love and hope.

She felt completely complete with the Doctor. Completely at peace and completely in love. She felt happier than she'd felt in so long when she was with him. She felt so much hope and wonder and just overall joy. He completed her. Just as she completed him.

Why make a promise you can't keep? Maybe it's because it's a spur of the moment thing or maybe it's just because you want the other person to feel safe and secure. So maybe she'd broke Danny's promise. Not all promises were meant to be kept, and that was okay. So long as you kept at least a few of your promises, and she was almost certain that she'd just made a promise that she was never going to break.

I love you. Words that can change how people look at the world. Words that can strengthen even the strongest of relationships. Words that can give hope.

I love you. A promise.


End file.
